Hands Reaching Out

 

As I move around the circle of my life, I am noticing that some of my abilities are changing.  My eyesight is now affected by cataracts which makes physical seeing like looking through dirty glasses and yet I can see the beauty in people with amazing clarity.  My ability to hear voices clearly has also diminished and yet I can hear what the souls of people are saying loud and clear.  My body changes shape as time goes on, led by some design that is mysterious to me and yet it provides a wonderful nurturing cushion for my young grandchildren. In addition to this, every now and then, vertigo appears which makes me look as though I’m walking on the deck of a ship at sea before getting sea legs.  My physical strength is also diminishing which means I have to do less and ask for help more but I am really good at holding space and acknowledging the gifts of younger people.

Recently, I spent the day with my two oldest sons, their partners, my teenaged grandson and his friend, my grandson who is a toddler and my grandson who is only 10 weeks old along with my partner who like myself, is a senior and my son's large dog.  We met at their campsite in Killbear Provincial Park.  After visiting for a little while, we decided to go on a hike along the shore of Georgian Bay.  

I had woken up that morning with vertigo brought on by allergic reactions to the numerous wild flowers that grow all around me.  It had cleared enough for me to drive to the campground but I was still a little unsteady on my feet  I brought my cedar walking stick along for the hike.

Here is the tree that has been the symbol of Killbear Park for decades
along with Teddy.

We set off along a dirt trail before coming through the trees to the beautiful pink rocks of the Canadian Shield.  My walking stick helped me to find my balance but every now and then, I had to step over a wider expanse or step down onto a lower rock.  My vision makes it harder to estimate distance and my quads aren’t always up to the task of catching my balance.  While I was standing before one of these challenges, my partner put out his hand to help me.  I wear a wide brimmed hat to block the sunshine that makes seeing through cataracts difficult.  All I saw was a hand appearing in front of me.  I gladly took it and stepped down safely.  Thanking him, I continued on my way. 

At the next gap, I stopped to assess the situation and this time, my daughter-in-law put out her hand.  Once again, it appeared seemingly from nowhere.  I chuckled, took her hand, made the step and thanked her.  At the next step down, it was the hand of my grandson’s teenaged friend that came to my aid.  Later, it was each of my sons and my grandson.  Every time I needed help, someone was right there.

I see myself as someone who helps others.  I worked in a helping profession, raised children and now take care of my geriatric father.  It felt like a new experience to have a hand held out for me when I needed it.  It came as a bit of a surprise and made it possible for me to keep up with the group who were carrying children and knapsacks.

It makes me wonder, if there have been hands there all along that I didn’t see or fully appreciate because I was focused on giving help instead of receiving it.  If I think about it, all the food that I eat has been grown or harvested by someone else.  The house that I live in was built by someone else using materials made or harvested by others.  The plants and animals that have given their lives to keep mine going are all there.  The health care providers that have helped me when I needed help have allowed my body to offer help to others.  And the list goes on and on. 

So, as I age and need more help, perhaps I can see how this idea fits into the Indigenous idea of All My Relations as I see myself connected to all of life with the humility of realizing that as a human, I am totally dependent on the rest of life – the air, the sun, the water, the plants, the animals, the insects, the fish, the rocks, the moon and the stars.  There are hands reaching out everywhere if I look for them as well as my hand reaching out to others.