This Reflection was shared with me by a friend and is shared with you with her permission:
Unexpectedly my work day collapsed – 4 out of 6
clients were sick or unavailable. I had
hours to spare, no book to read and a bus trip
hours away--- how to make lemonade out of the day?
I am in a new stage of life, one dream ended as it
were, another starting…. I am slowing down my work schedule, no longer pushing
the boundaries forward in healthcare. I
continue to work seeing those regular people that I have known for a while, a
few new people – especially those that need information/compassion/perspective
about their health. I have lived long
enough in the field of lymphedema and life that I can willingly offer this.
I live in a small city on a lake , a reluctant
immigrant in many ways…. All be it I have a home that suits me… big old trees
surround, a yard with flower and veggie garden, space to grow, room for my dog,
an extra bedroom for visitors and grandchildren, minutes from water and kayak,
swim and canoe time.
I left behind a farm life with the rhythms of the land
and the natural world an immediate part of each day. A barn with chickens, sheep, horses – even
some few goats, pigs, turkeys—all needing care and giving so much in return. Lots of room for dogs and cats, songbirds galore, the sound of coyotes singing close by on
fall nights, stars to light my path , sunrise and sunset to embrace the
day. The shape of the farm life supported
my life of raising 4 children, bringing new ways of being in healthcare,
responding to difficulties and challenges out of my control with humour,
creativity and joy. The earth was ever
present – solid, caring.
In this new phase of my life the sunrise and sunset
are hard to find, I have one dog, I look for stars, comfort myself on the
water. My work life is changing ,
grandchildren are arriving, my mother showing signs of aging with mental loss
that comes and goes, wills and pensions topics circle in my head…
I have a good friend close by… and a longtime friend I
continue to work with…good neighbours, I am looking for new ways to be
creative, try new things and then I am tired… I touch things but do not
continue….it seems. I wonder am I
sabotaging myself...
A chestnut in
hand…
I have been wondering how to move forward in this new
stage of my life…. What will I choose to carry forward , what can be let go
of….? What metaphor/symbol will be mine for this time.
I am in my 6th decade and lots has happened
in the previous decades, good, joyful, difficult, confusing and on… a life is
like that. In this elder time,
grandmother time I want to live deeply, from the heart, present and part of all
life around. I want to travel lightly
--- like air, the wind that moves in swirls and strength. And I want to access
the wisdom I have learned and let go of what is heavy from the past. My horse Robbie has died and was the final
thread from my past way of life. An
evolution time is at hand for me….so many lessons learned through ups and
downs…. The lessons’ core to keep, the vehicle to let go for compost….
Recently I attended an art exhibit at the ROM, Anishinaabeg:
Art and Power. My goodness, there was such
beauty, and richness in the pieces displayed—paintings, daily objects,
ceremonial pieces, video of elders. What
especially moved me was the bead work --- so vibrant and intricate. For me it was a deep and clear expression of
life lived with all creation. The work showed changing times and culture, over
two centuries. The Anishinaabeg way of life -- materials and art forms evolved
to reflect this. At times the message
was a record of the past values. The underlying
message of interconnection with creation and creator was clear throughout. The exhibit’s art reflects the profound power
of these people and their way of life.
The beauty and wisdom of the Anishinaabeg over centuries was shown alive
and growing, transforming in modern times. I spent a long time absorbing the beauty and shape.
Leaving the ROM that fall afternoon my spirit was
happy, full and reflective. I decided to
have a snack along Philosophers walk just outside. As a student at university many decades
earlier I had often walked this tree lined path. As I walked along I noticed an old horse chestnut
tree and its ‘conkers’ or spiky seed balls on the ground. I have always loved these fall
treasures. I collected them throughout
my childhood, cautiously picking up the green spiky casings to bring home. At home I would pry the seams open to reveal
one or two nuts of rich mahogany colour inside.
The creamy white underside (where the nut developed from the tree) was
at first soft and slippery, and shiny like the rich brown nut. One story is that the Horse Chestnut tree is
so named because these beautiful nuts remind one of the soft depth of a horse’s
eye. 
I found one that day, ready to open. The nut fit perfectly in the palm of my hand
to be rolled in my palm and caressed lovingly-- remembering and celebrating
again my childhood joy. As I rolled it
over in my hand massaging its slippery fresh creamy surface I was thrilled by
the change in the white area. The area
revealed a kind of horse’s eye – circles within circles – depth from outer to
inner. Liquid wisdom in colour and form
and for me a connection to my horses, and their gifts. The delight of my little girl had led me to a
discovery and transformation in the moment.
As I held the chestnut in my palm on my subway and bus
ride home I realized that this seed carried all the information needed to grow
a tree/a new life. In my hand was what
was essential for the path forward. A
small light seed packed with wisdom, travelling with essential wisdom from the
mother, beautiful and able to access all that is necessary when needed. It’s tree mother had already let go of her
excess for this season, leaves and conkers on the ground… maybe twigs and
branches also.
In that moment
I realized I’d found a new metaphor for carrying my ‘essential wisdom’
forward. The horse chestnut seed
bringing forward my child to play again and remember what is essential. On
Philosopher’s path, I looked up to touch and thank the tree for her seed,
wisdom shared and in her trunk another mystery was waiting for me – an ancient
bark ‘eye’ embedded in the trunk. This
grandmother tree spirit was watching and waiting to share her gifts with anyone
who may be ready to receive . In turn I will take my place in the world
watching and ready to share. Mi-gwetch …
.
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