Opening Doors

   Ahead of me I could see the silhouette of a tall woman holding the door opened by leaning her back into it.  Through the open door I could see a very tiny old woman walking gingerly with a cane towards us along the glass walkway that joins the Toronto subway with Yorkdale shopping mall.  As I got to the open door I looked at the woman holding it open.  She was beaming.  She reminded me of Queen Latifa with a broad smile on her beautiful face.  I immediately beamed back a smile that naturally emerged from my face like a mirror of her own.

“You have a good day!” she exclaimed to the older woman who had finally made it through the open door and had replied in a tiny voice that I could barely hear.  “Well, we have to help each other,” the young woman declared.  Then she turned to her friend who had been waiting for her patiently. 

“You’re so sweet,” the friend said encouragingly.

“Well, I just love old people,” stated the young woman.  “They make me happy!”  The two women continued a conversation in this vein but I was walking faster and their voices receded into the distance.

   I remembered reading in a positive psychology text that when we help someone, the recipient of our help feels good, and we feel good and anyone watching the event also feels good.  We all make endorphins which are good for our mood and our health.

   I take that walk two or three times a week on my way to work just before 7 am. The walkway joins the bus station to the subway station.  In November most people on their way to work wear black and walk purposefully and somberly.  Occasionally someone will hold the door for the person behind them which lifts the heart for a moment.  Others appear oblivious to those around them, heads down and some nearly mow you down.

   But being witness to this outgoing young woman’s experience of love kept the smile on my face.  I am smiling again as I write this just picturing her face.  We get so used to being part of the crush, of being invisible and anonymous.  We forget what that does to our sense of well being.  There is much written about how this generation has forgotten how to relate to one another because of social media.  But I imagine this young woman makes a positive impression wherever she goes.  She has inspired me to be kinder today, to notice who is around me.  Perhaps I will inspire others as well.  That one act has created ripples that have gone out, I imagine, like sound waves or ripples from a stone dropped in a still pond.

   I shared this story with some of my clients that day to share the endorphins.  We got to talking about the Syrian refugees that will finally be allowed to come to Canada.  I remember my family helping Vietnamese boat people to come to Canada decades ago and how the family in Brampton that my family helped remained lifelong friends.  I suspect that welcoming this new group of displaced people will be good for all of us just as the simple act that I had witnessed that morning.  One of my clients remarked, “And what a beautiful metaphor – holding open the door to let someone come in!”  Wow!  I hadn’t thought of that connection at all but in sharing the story, it continued to expand.  That’s really what this blog is all about – sharing our new story.

   Humans helping one another is not new.  It has allowed us to populate the world, keep children alive and create social structures that protect us.  But in a stressed society that values independence and competition, such acts stand out as life giving, healthy and truly human.

   This week, I was speaking with my son who follows current events closely.  He explained one theory he had heard about the motivation behind the attacks which just occurred in Paris.  Some feel that the rationale for this is that these attacks motivate people to fear and hate Muslims which can lead to a backlash towards innocent Muslims.  This can lead to disenfranchisement in some youth which makes it easier to radicalize them.  In other words, the attacks create the social conditions that create new recruits for their cause.  “So,” my son reflected, “responding with hope and love is actually the most effective strategy to combat this strategy of hopelessness and hate.”

   Earlier that day while swimming before work I was reminded of the shooting that occurred in an African American church in the US earlier this year.  I remember hearing the voice of one of the church members speaking about this on the radio.  “We have no room in our hearts for hate,” she said.  “We forgive you.”

   I see French flags flying from cars and flag poles, a sight I never expected to see in Ontario.  I see some Canadian politicians realizing that the Syrian refugees are fleeing from the same kind of violence, and are not the perpetrators of it.  I see journalists going back to Beirut where a similar event happened which didn’t get onto our radar.  I see citizens of Peterborough helping to fund the repair of a mosque that was damaged by those who bought into the message of hate.  I hear about a Syrian film festival at the Art Gallery of Ontario to help people understand and appreciate that culture. I read an email about an imam being invited to speak at the Midland Cultural Centre to explain Islam to people and to decry violence in its name.  Those who listened then donated money to bring a Syrian family to that town.  I read about the hacker group Anonymous disabling the Twitter accounts that are used to recruit young people to ISIS.  I see the picture of a young couple who have donated their wedding money to bring a Syrian family to Toronto in an effort to counteract the act of hate towards the young Muslim woman who was attacked in the same city.  And I hear my son’s voice telling me that the most effective strategy is love.  “There is no us and them,” he concludes.  

   There are so many more of us who want to get along, who want to cooperate, who want to hold open doors for each other. Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning defined evil as good people doing nothing.  At this time it seems vital to me that all the "good people" need to express our care for the global family in whatever way emerges for us.  The door of the new paradigm is wide open.  We just need to step through.